Ferri Tales

On April 19, 2011, Iranian cleric Kazem Sedighi said, “Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes." I guess if enough people are committing adultery simultaneously, it could cause an earthquake, but I doubt it. As a species, we are getting more rotund, but not nearly enough to move the Earth, if I may wax poetic for a moment. Regardless, the cleric is actually blaming immodestly dressed women as the primary cause. On the same day, Jennifer McCreight, then a senior in the Purdue University College of Science, proposed an experiment, appropriately named Boobquake, to test the cleric's hypothesis. The experimental protocol called for women to dress immodestly on a predetermined day so that "with the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the gro...

In his letter-to-the-editor ( Review, 8/6/11 ), Bob Hawthorne wrote, "If you want to solve health care, provide manufacturing jobs where good benefits are the norm. Want to resolve the mortgage crisis, provide manufacturing jobs so people can earn a decent salary and buy a house." He writes that the President and Congress are doing nothing to improve the current economy. Exactly, at least not while a Democrat sits in the White House. The Republicans will not allow any legislation to pass which would make the current administration look successful. They would prefer to destroy the economy rather than let a Democrat do what is necessary to help. Deficits don't matter - except when a Democrat is president. The debt ceiling doesn't matter - except when a Democrat is president. Reagan tripled the national debt, raised taxes eleven times, and raised the debt ceiling 17 times. Bush Jr. doubled the debt, and raised the debt ceiling 7 times. The Republican ...

I agree with Vincent Calaman ( Review letter, July 29 ) about the size of the universe. It is really really really big. Mr. Calaman points out that "no man will ever travel" beyond our solar system. This may be true for decades, if not for centuries. The nearest star beyond our Sun is 4.3 light-years away. This is 25 million million miles. If you travel at a million miles per hour (approximately 6 times faster than the fastest man made object) it would take 25 million hours or almost 2900 years to get there. Everything else is a lot farther away. It took under 70 years to get from the first flight at Kitty Hawk to a man on the Moon. Mankind has approximately 4 billion years before our Sun uses up its hydrogen fuel and expands to engulf and destroy the Earth.  A lot of technology can be developed in that time, assuming we survive and we stop wasting our time looking to the Bible for answers to technical questions and actually do some real science. For answers to non-technic...

Not sure if anyone else got raptured, but I sure hope it was the "true believers" and the Republicans (who merely pretend). The world would be very peaceful without them. JLF

An Open Letter to the Jell-O Corporation: You should fire whatever marketing firm you are using for your "Pudding Face" ad. If I was an impressionable person in the demographic you want to reach - probably 6 to 12 year-olds -- I would not eat your product. Who in their right mind wants to look like, or even equate with, the guy with that stupid "pudding face." Your ad is more likely scaring customers away rather than convincing them to try your product. It took Burger King several years to finally dump the marketing firm that created the weird "King". Did you hire them? . JLF

Earth Day 2011 has come and gone, and many think that the day is to remind people about saving the Earth. Nothing could be more wrong. There is nothing -- NOTHING -- that mankind can do to destroy our plant that a few million years won't fix. Current life forms may not survive; the planet doesn't care. Earth Day is a reminder to change our behavior so that we can save our own asses. If every nuclear weapon were exploded, if every nuclear power plant were to melt down, if every drop of oil in the ground were to be dumped in the ocean, if every pollutant know were to be spread over the planet, the planet would recover. Life as we know it may not. But then, the planet doesn't care. In a few million years, normal geologic processes would cleanse the environment. If mankind's current half-assed stewardship destroys all life, new life will probably evolve. And if it doesn't, the planet doesn't care. JLF

Recently, television broadcasts were upgraded to high definition (HD). New recieving equipment is available to display the new HD signal in ever larger screen sizes. Now, 3D seems to be the latest inovation, in part because the increased bandwidth of the HD broadcast spectrum can support the extra information. Cable networks have multiplied such that hundreds of channels are available with most broadcasting 24 hours per day. Big screens, HD, 3D, hundreds of channels, 24 hours each day -- yet the programming availabe for consumption has gotten worse. With so many slots available for programming, the quality of most programs has gone down, making the name "idiot box" even more appropriate for the media. My vote for the overall dumbest program goes to Ghost Hunters and any varient of this paranormal search show. Even if what they look for exists, I doubt that their methods would survive a minimum of scrutiny. Most of the show consists of "Did you see that!" and ...

A review of the yellow pages in my local phone book for Towanda, PA finds only 28 entries under “taverns.” In Bradford (our fair County), there are almost five times as many places to pray to a spirit than there are places to consume some spirits. Also, one can pray anywhere. That’s right – anywhere. There are no laws prohibiting praying anywhere. Any student, teacher, judge, or employee – anyone – can pray silently anywhere, anytime they want, even while they operate an automobile. I don’t recommend praying while driving because, as with other forms of wireless communication, it may distract the driver. To the contrary, there are many laws that prohibit the consumption of alcoholic beverages in many locations or during certain activities. Driving while worshiping the wrong “spirit” can get you in a world of trouble. However, if you’re at home, you can worship both “spirits” simultaneously to your hearts content. So, rather than needing more places to pray, this county needs more p...

In "A Method to Republican Madness" , Robert Perry writes: ... In this analysis, the Republicans believe they can reclaim the lucrative levers of national authority by making the country as ungovernable as possible while a Democrat is in the White House, essentially holding governance hostage until they are restored to power. Then, the Democrats are expected to behave as a docile opposition “for the good of the country” (and usually do). ... So, the Republicans have never been made to pay a political price for their scheming to undercut sitting Democratic presidents -- and to grease the GOP’s route back to power. Whenever a Democrat is in the White House, the Republicans believe they are free do whatever they want to block him from solving national problems, making him look weak and ineffectual. That was true of Johnson, Carter, Clinton and now Obama. This GOP strategy is pursued even if it tarnishes the international image of the United States or if it undermines national s...

Interest in paranormal phenomena has always been high, not only because of the popularity of the current motion picture “Paranormal Activity”, but also because of previous offerings such as “The Blair Witch Project”, “Ghostbusters”, “Poltergeist”, and others in this genre. Whether the movies created the interest, or our innate interest in things unknown and scary popularized the movies is subject to debate. Regardless, interest is high enough to merit the creation of companies that specialize in paranormal investigations – worldwide and locally. After reading the article, “Discussing the paranormal at the Bradford County Library,” in the Review (thedailyreview.com) (Nov 17) about the “haunted” Old Methodist Church in West Burlington Township, I decided to investigate my current 100-plus year old residence. I reviewed the web sites of several paranormal investigative companies to determine the expertise, education, equipment, and licensing needed for an investigation, and concluded that...