It Wasn't John Boehners' Fault
[Scene]: the smoking remains of the U.S.A. after the Tea Party successfully shut down the world economy because they lost the election in 2012 and couldn't stop a health care plan that passed both houses of Congress 3 years earlier and was deemed Constitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
What follows is an interview with the former Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner (JB) by a representative of the American people (RAP).
[RAP]: John, what the fuck happened?
[JB]: The Democrats would not negotiate with a gun to their heads. All we wanted was for them to give us everything we wanted, even though it was unreasonable and childish. After all, we didn't want to walk away with nothing.
[RAP]: So you allowed the world economy to go all to hell rather than put the issue to a vote knowing that the votes were there to pass a clean resolution.
[JB]: You don't realize how much time it takes to kiss all of those billionaires' asses while at the same time trying to reason with those Tea Party nut cases. Have you ever tried to have a reasonable conversation with that crazy-eyed Michele Bachmann? I was really busy. I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
JLF
What follows is an interview with the former Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner (JB) by a representative of the American people (RAP).
[RAP]: John, what the fuck happened?
[JB]: The Democrats would not negotiate with a gun to their heads. All we wanted was for them to give us everything we wanted, even though it was unreasonable and childish. After all, we didn't want to walk away with nothing.
[RAP]: So you allowed the world economy to go all to hell rather than put the issue to a vote knowing that the votes were there to pass a clean resolution.
[JB]: You don't realize how much time it takes to kiss all of those billionaires' asses while at the same time trying to reason with those Tea Party nut cases. Have you ever tried to have a reasonable conversation with that crazy-eyed Michele Bachmann? I was really busy. I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
JLF
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